The Furnace Can Be Good

  Well, have the niggling petty thoughts of dissatisfaction and criticism been well warded off during this extended time in the furnace?  Over time, the fast pace of life and the routine of it all, had left me with some less than comely thoughts, but some of them not so petty.  For example the God given
discontent with my prayer life. Previously I was not satisfied with it.  I thought it shallow and sporadic.  It was not saturating my heart  and mind like I wanted it to.  God was not the front and center of life at all and I dearly wanted Him to be.

  Consequently the thoughts of my heart were not always in keeping with what Father might be wanting for me.  That always led to indescrimanite thoughts and rusty patterns my mind needed to shake off.

  The longer the self quarantine  drags on the more concisely Father is dealing with me to lay it all down and just come to Him.  There I find this furnace of affliction is burning the chaff and stubble and leaving my heart and mind more centered on the One I love the best.  It seems a fresh breeze of the Holy Spirit is blowing all the ashes away and leaving me with a clearer vision.

  So I have come to be thankful for this time of being separated to sit at the feet of Jesus.  He brings prayers to my soul for loved ones, sick ones, needy one, and lost ones.  He brings a fresh worship; a new adoration; a renewed trust in Him.  It is good and I am thankful.

 

 

Perspective

  In the past three days I have been weaned totally of one of my tremor drugs.  Guess what is back in full force.  Yup, the party is over, and I am guessing it will not get any better as I decrease the other one I'm using.  I am very thankful that this did not result in constipation of the brain and diarrhea of the mouth the way my major drug error did.  This is just uncontrolled shaking, so much easier too handle when my emotions don't get in the way.

  That being said, Jim really thought a call to the Dr. was in order to see if we couldn't't have an earlier appointment for a little tinkering with the battery.  My next scheduled is 8th of June.  Not that far off, but it really was nice to be steadier there for a time.  So, I am waiting for a call back from the clinic.  It makes me thankful for just how much the drugs were/are helping.

  Life continues in self isolation, albeit, a somewhat modified one.  Trips to Menards remain regular enough to get us out, and of course the grocery store.  Masks are becoming common and we are getting used to social distancing.  All of this does not seem a hardship to me, especially if we can keep each other from becoming ill.  It is not a pretty thing, this virus.  We know people from or church family who have been hit, but as of yet, no family or neighbors.

  This thing with Co-Vid 19 put so many things back into perspective.  I will certainly not die from Essential Tremor no matter how little I get it treated.  But when so many of our dear older population get struck down, many dying, I am humbled and thankful to be this well.



Continue to cast your cares on the Lord.  He cares tenderly a constantly for you.

 

Shifty Little Devils

  This past weekend my emotions were so fragile!  I was in jeopardy of tears all the time.  Couldn't figure out why so I tried to reason with myself and that was disaster.  That was when the damn opened to my mouth and that is always bad.  Poor Jim.  He handled it like the man he is, gave me a hug, listened, and let the river of tears run off his back.

  Earlier that day I had discovered a huge medication error I had made earlier last week, and was just getting it straightened out on Sunday.  My doctor is reducing two medications at a time, each at different paces.  I got way ahead of myself on one of them, way, way ahead; and had been wrong for four days running.  It was emotional disaster.

  Even as I was crying to Jim about all my perceived troubles, I would get glimpses of my real self.  It is so interesting to me that I even recognized "myself"in the midst of all the turmoil.  Medications can be shifty little devils, even though, sometimes they are the only current solution to the difficulties at hand.  My daughter, a nurse, told me if a person is taking two or more prescription drugs , they are likely to make a drug error every two weeks.  I guess I was making up for lost time.

  I thank God for medical science and the skill of the professionals that have had me under their care. Although Father has done the healing, they have been privileged to tinker with my broken vessel, until balance has been restored.

Jeremiah18:6 "O house of Israel,
Can I not do with you as this potter?"  says the Lord.
"Look, as the clay is in the potters hand,
So are you in My hand, O house of Israel!"

Tears in Flood Stage

  The past week has been quite different for us.  We stayed with my daughter as a type of "swing room" for a few days.  She and her husband were wonderful and took care of us till we could get back on our feet.  The grandkids were great, and a fun distraction, yet we could escape at any time to a quiet place and rest or get away from the noise.

  On Friday I awoke with such gratitude in my heart for all the love surrounding me that I could barely stop crying.  I managed for most of the day, however the tears started again on Saturday.  They continued through Sunday, with barely a break on Monday.  The tears finally met their pause on Tuesday.  If truth be told, they were very mingled tears by Sunday.  No longer just tears of gratitude, but also of feeling sorry for myself (which I hate) and tears of jealousy (which I also hate) and tears of overwhelming "just too much."

  Last year it was the broken wrist while having fun with a grandson.  Then I had a bad slip in the shower, breaking my back, and now my rib; and Jim needing major surgery; and his near painless recovery while I had so much pain that breathing hurt!  You bet I was jealous of this smoothe bouncing back to his good old self.   It had been years since I had a really healing cry, so the timing was right, and God's mercy was all over the place.


 Now, with a better perspective and a little embarrassment I am doing fine again.  I have better medicine for the pain and am circling my own wagon here at home.

  Thank goodness that Father's mercies are new every morning!  So great is his faithfulness!

Abnormal Normal/

  This week has been a very different week indeed.  On Holy Saturday evening before I went to bed, I had yet another syncope event and landed hard on the bathroom floor, hurting my left eye orbit, and bruising or breaking a rib in my back.  I think it will not happen  again because I'm getting smarter.  Be slow to rise and quick to sit if I feel anything like I have been.  It always happens very fast., so I must be vigilant.

  Also on Saturday evening  Jim began to have bad stomach pain.  He ended up in the emergency room at 4:30 in the morning on Monday with a burst diverticulum and the beginnings of a nasty infection in his abdomen.  He went to surgery by 8:00 and had a bowel resection.  He is a rapid healer and is leaving the hospital already today, 4/17.  It really amazes me how quickly he bounces back...and how different I am.  It seems my body is slow to shed pain.

  So now we are holed up at our daughters home where her husband has told me, in no uncertain terns, that I am to do no work, only rest and recuperate, and the same will be true for Jim. We will be here for two or three days, until we are both better on our feet.

  Every challenge in life is reason to exult in the opportunutiy God has in front of us to rejoice and be triumphant in Him.  He ALWAYS heals for the Bible says it is already done by the stripes of Jesus.  I know of no other Truth but what God has said.  His Word is always true for He cannot lie.  No matter how much the devil may poke us with his spears and arrows, he never succeeds in the long run.  He cannot win against this provision of the healing blood of Jesus shed for us on the cross.

  So glory to God for His loving provision of a new and living covenant in Christ.  I am so excited.  I wonder what excellence I shall see of Christ and His Body during this time.  Already I am seeing love outpoured and surrounding us in a very tangible way.  This Easter will be one to remember.

 
1Peter 2:24 who himself bore our sins in His own body on the tree,
                    that WE
                    Having died to sins,
                    might live to righteousness
                    By whose stripes  YOU WERE healed1

Governor's New Order

  The governor has called for another month of self containment.  How is that going for everyone?  Being as old as we are, there is a sweet routine that comes with being married for a long time.

  My heart goes out to so many folks, however.  It isn't easy living without a paycheck, having to scramble for a new job,  having to self educate in order to keep school going for the young school aged at home, providing activities for the energetic, stability for the family all the while keeping calm and peaceful in the fluid uncertain times in which we live .   Only with the Holy Spirit can fruit come from this.  Peace in uncertain times breeds peace.  And the Holy Spirit is doing His part.   We must do ours.

   I see folks out walking and being neighborly.  Getting to know each other again because of this self-isolating thing we are all learning.  Even in the midst of social-distancing we are able to help each other out by doing what we can.  

  Romans12:1  Therefore I export you brothers and sisters
                        By the mercies of God,
                        To present your bodies as a sacrifice-
                        Alive, holy and pleasing to God
                        Which is your reasonable service.

The Battery

  On Friday 3/20 I went to AbbotNorthwestern Hospital to get a battery sewed into my chest for the wires from my brain to be hooked up.  I went into that surgery so calm and filled with peace, because I knew Jesus was and is in control, but almost more, because I knew I could sleep through it!  The thing I wasn't prepared for so much is the pain that followed.  Boy did that hurt.

Now, two weeks post-op I am doing pretty well.  The soreness is in control, the staples are out and the incisions are all in good shape.  Jim is still in the homemaking business, and I am just getting back on my feet.  I'm not going to go out and rake any flower beds just yet, however tempting that might be.  The tulips have been liberated from their winter nests and I am eager to clean the beds and see what else Spring has in store for me.

The weather has been so beautiful (until today) and it has been nice to walk.  I am still using a walker for balance, consequently, I don't go very far.  It appears I will be using the walker for some time to come.  Not my favorite, but I do what I must.

Current virus conditions have everybody in the seclusion mode.  We all know friends and relative who are particularly vulnerable, so lets all do our part to live by the guidelines laid down by a caring and concerned Administration.  Praying for those who have compromised immune systems, unemployed, parents at home with small children, school kids needing classroom help, and each other.

Father's love still reigns over all.  He is altogether trustworthy.  He is always and all ways good.  Something good will come of this too.


Romans 8:28 still says " and we know that all things
                                        work together for good
                                        to those who love God
                                        to those who are the called
                                        according to His purpose.